New Beginnings -- Melissa

Last year was one of the most significant of my life to date. 

2013 was the year that I found that my worth (as a person, woman, wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc.) is not based on what anyone thinks I am worth or treats me as if I am worth.  My worth is determined solely by God, who
created me and sent His son to die for me, as sinful as I am.  There are many wonderful descriptions of God’s view of my worth to Him, but my favorite is Psalm 18:19b “He rescued me because He delighted in me.”  

I renamed Psalm 18 the Suicide Psalm.  During very dark days of my life, I felt I was drowning in suicidal depression.  Daily I would tick off in my mind the many reasons why everyone around me would be better off without me.  I went so far as to start looking at single women and consider if they would make a good wife to my husband and mother to my four boys.   According to verse 18:16, David believed that God “…sent from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters.”  I too believe this.  But why?  Why would a holy, righteous God look at me, a failure as a wife, as a mother, as a homemaker, a friend (and the list went on and on) see anything in me that didn’t make Him want to just grant my wish and take me out of this world?   It brings tears to my eyes, but deep joy to my heart, to know that He delights in me and He has a plan for my life. 

During my dark days, I felt I was the only one who had ever felt that way.  I just knew that no one else had ever felt like such a total and miserable failure in all that I did/did not do and even in just being me.  I think that there are others out there – probably way more than I can imagine – who feel that they don’t measure up, they have no worth as a person.  I imagine there is someone out there now, reading this blog, who is seeking someone, anyone, who will make them feel they are worth the time, effort, and commitment to be with them and love them.  If you look for your worth to be validated by any person, you will constantly be disappointed.  People are only people and even their best intentions will likely fail at some point.  Only God is faithful.  Look to God!  Search out His Word and find those verses that speak of your worth and memorize them so that when the dark thoughts come and when someone makes you feel as if you are worthless, God can shine His truth on your life.